“It was very embarrassing,” Pilkington said. “I felt like I had to do something because the situation was just so bad.”

Now Pilkington, a married father of two, is the star witness in a federal lawsuit against Fleming’s Prime Steakhouse & Wine Bar and one of a growing number of men claiming they are victims of sexual harassment in the workplace.

From 1990 to 2009, the percentage of sexual harassment claims filed by men has doubled from 8 percent to 16 percent of all claims, according to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.

Women still file the overwhelming majority of sexual harassment claims with the EEOC and state and local agencies. But lawyers at the commission say they’ve noticed the increase in complaints by men — more than 2,000 were filed in 2009 out of about 12,700 cases.

Male claims made up about 12 percent of all cases a decade ago, but the percentage has continued to rise even as the overall number of sexual harassment complaints has declined. And last year, the percentage of lawsuits the EEOC filed on behalf of male victims hit an all-time high, making up 14 percent of all cases.

“It’s certainly possible that there’s more sexual harassment of men going on, but it could just be that more men are coming forward and complaining about it,” said Ernest Haffner, an attorney in the EEOC’s Office of Legal Counsel.

While some cases allege harassment by female supervisors or co-workers, most charges involve men harassing other men. Sometimes it’s unwelcome romantic advances. Other times, men are picked on because they are gay, perceived as being gay or not considered masculine enough for the work setting.

In the past, some employers might have shrugged off such antics as “boys will be boys” horseplay or fraternity-type behavior. But the EEOC has been filing more lawsuits involving male victims, saying it wants to send a message that such behavior is unacceptable and unlawful.

In November, for example, the Cheesecake Factory restaurant chain agreed to pay $345,000 to six male employees who claimed they were repeatedly sexually assaulted by a group of male kitchen staffers at a Phoenix-area restaurant.

The EEOC said the abusers would drag some victims kicking and screaming into a walk-in refrigerator, touching and grinding against the victims’ genitals and take turns simulating rape. The company denied the allegations but agreed to make a financial settlement and educate its employees and managers about sexual harassment.

Susan Strauss, a consultant who advises companies about how to avoid sexual harassment in the workplace, said she’s seeing more cases in which men are subject to a sexualized form of hazing.

“If you don’t fit the masculine stereotype or are viewed as effeminate, you get picked on in a sexual way to demean you,” Strauss said.

Cases involving women making unwanted advances toward men may also be rising as women make up a growing part of the work force. Last year, the Regal Entertainment Group, which operates a national chain of movie theaters, agreed to pay $175,000 to settle a lawsuit by a male employee who claimed a female co-worker repeatedly grabbed his crotch at work.

When the employee complained to his supervisor and the theater’s then-general manager, he claims, she failed to stop the harassment and instead retaliated against the victim with unfair discipline and lower performance evaluations.

The number of cases filed by men has grown steadily since a landmark Supreme Court ruling in 1998 held that same-sex harassment is a valid claim under federal anti-discrimination laws. That ruling involved an offshore oil rig worker who said he was subject to humiliating sex-related treatment by other workers, including being sodomized in the shower with a bar of soap.

In Pilkington’s case, he claims the restaurant’s chef would grope and pinch his genitals or grab his backside when Pilkington walked to the kitchen or stock room. Despite his complaints to the restaurant’s operating partner, he says the conduct didn’t stop.

After one incident, Pilkington lost his composure and yelled at the chef, making a scene. Days later, he was fired — an action he claims was retaliation for his complaints. An EEOC lawsuit on behalf of Pilkington and three other current and former employees is pending.

“I think maybe it’s just harder for males to come out and file a complaint because of how embarrassing it is,” Pilkington said. “When I talk about it I get this nauseous feeling in my stomach.”

The restaurant has denied the charges. In a statement, the company that owns Fleming’s said the restaurant “has always been committed to providing a safe and healthy workplace free of harassment for all of its associates.”

Many victims are hesitant to come forward because they are afraid of being considered unmanly or being derided by co-workers, said Mary Jo O’Neill, a regional attorney in the EEOC’s Phoenix District office.

“All sexual harassment victims feel humiliated, lacking control and power,” O’Neill said. “This has a different twist because everyone expects that they would be able to handle it and take care of it themselves.”

Pilkington has since moved on to another job. While he is embarrassed by the publicity his case has received, he says it was the right thing to do. The EEOC lawsuit seeks damages for him and other workers alleging harassment, along with back pay and compensatory and punitive damages.

For The Inquirer

When golfer Tiger Woods made a public apology to his wife and family for the pain and humiliation his sexual escapades had caused them, he said he was caught up in an “intoxicating cocktail of entitlement, fame and money.”

“I thought I could get away with whatever I wanted to,” Woods said. “I was wrong. I don’t get to play by different rules.” Woods did not describe himself as a sex addict.

Nonetheless, Woods’ sexual excesses, his intensive treatment in one of the country’s premier addiction centers, and his subsequent apology have placed the controversial subject of sex addiction onto center stage.

An array of experts argue that sex addiction is real and treatable. Costly centers like the one Woods is attending have sprung up along with support groups and individual therapists who specialize in the area.

Yet mental health experts disagree sharply about what sex addiction is, how treatable it is and even whether it exists.

Rob Kurzban, an experimental psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania, is incredulous that Tiger Woods’ behavior would be called an addiction and is stunned that the media have bought into that concept.

“It is not that Tiger Woods or other high-profile people are addicted to sex,” Kurzban says. “They are addicted to cheating, to sexual variety. They could have all the sex they want with their wives and no one would find that upsetting.”

Sex addiction is not included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV), the encyclopedia of the American Psychiatric Association, and it will not be listed as an addiction in the DSM-V, which will be published in 2013, though it could make later editions.

“There just isn’t enough evidence in peer literature, as there is in alcohol, drug or even gambling, to classify it as an addiction,” says Charles O’Brien, professor of psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania and chair of the DSM-V working committee for substance-related disorders.

Does this mean, as Kurzban suggests, that Woods and other luminaries like Eliot Spitzer and David Duchovny may not be sex addicts, as has been suggested, but may simply have a broken moral compass? Would more ordinary men be called cheaters or worse?

The answer depends on whom you ask.

Those who treat sexual addiction maintain that while it is perplexing, there is no question that it exists. “The myth is that you have to take chemicals to be addicted,” writes Patrick Carnes, considered a guru in the field of sex addiction and who heads the Gentle Path program where Woods was treated for 45 days before heading for another facility in Arizona. “We accept that people can be sick with alcoholism or destroy themselves with gambling or food - but not sex.”

Studies at the Mayo Clinic indicate that from 3 percent to 6 percent of the population - men and women from all walks of life - suffer from sex addiction. Its hallmark, writes Carnes in his best-selling book Don’t Call It Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction, is a pattern of out-of-control, high-risk sexual behavior. That includes not just serial affairs outside of marriage, but excessive masturbation, having sex with anonymous partners including prostitutes, obsession with pornography, engaging in sadistic sex, exhibitionism, compulsive telephone sex or fixating on an unattainable sex partner.

Alessandra, 49, and Lee, 59, say they are sex addicts. Both are members of Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA), a self-help organization modeled on Alcoholics Anonymous’ 12-Step program. They joined local chapters because they could no longer tolerate their out-of-control sex lives. They and other patients interviewed here asked that their names be withheld to avoid the embarrassment of public disclosure.

In the four years following her divorce, Alessandra, then 45, says she had sex with 30 different men, most of whom she met through the Internet. Usually by the end of the first dinner date and certainly no later than the second, Alessandra, an attractive woman from Cherry Hill, and her newest companion would end up at his place. “My goal was seduction, then sex,” says Alessandra, who calls herself a “soccer mom” and is given to dressing in short skirts and high-heeled sandals. “When it was over, I just wanted to leave. I didn’t want to chitchat over breakfast or get to know him better. We had sex, then I was done.”

Lee is a high-profile, well-traveled corporate executive who seemed to have it all - a seven-figure salary, an attractive wife, two handsome teenage sons, and a grand home in a Philadelphia suburb. But Lee had a secret life - a network of romantic liaisons around the world - in London, Paris, Geneva, and Hong Kong. He lived this double life for 26 years until his younger son came across an e-mail message from his Geneva girlfriend.

“What’s this, Dad?” he demanded, shocked, and the secret was out. The next day, Lee’s wife asked him to leave the house. A year later, they were divorced.

Alessandra and Lee say they are in various stages of “recovery,” and will always have to work to maintain “sobriety,” an absence of the shameful, destructive behaviors that defined their lives.

“Sex addicts just can’t say no,” says Eric Griffin-Shelley, a psychologist with a private practice in Lafayette Hill who focuses on those who can’t rein in their sexual urges. “Every addict I know would be happy if they could do that. They want to stop and they can’t.”

Therapists in the field believe that sex addiction has become far more prevalent in the last 20 years; they blame the growth of pornography and its easy access through the Internet.

Now they worry about the effect of sexting - sending sexually explicit messages, photos or videos electronically, mainly through mobile phones. “We call the Internet the crack cocaine of sex addiction,” says Griffin-Shelley. “You get hooked faster and the consequences are more devastating.”

Some people may be predisposed to compulsive sexual behavior, according to a report from the Mayo Clinic’s Foundation for Medical Education and Research. High levels of certain brain chemicals may play a role. And over time, this addiction might actually cause changes in the brain’s neural circuits so that hypersexuality may cause pleasure and stopping it may bring about unpleasant side effects.

“Most sex addicts are people in pain,” says Jordan Lief, a staff psychologist at Philadelphia’s Council for Relationships. “Their sexual addictions can often be traced to trauma suffered earlier in life. We talk about the ‘Big T’ like rape or incest or being molested as a child, and the ‘Little T’ like an emotionally distant mother or an alcoholic father, resulting in you’re not getting what you needed growing up.” The experts estimate that sexual abuse figures in about 70 percent of cases.

Marilyn, 45, who was introduced to pornography-enhanced sex by an older man when she was 15, is still trying to blot out the ugly sexual visions that chase each other through her mind. “I can’t have an orgasm unless I’m thinking about violent porn,” she says. “And it has to get bigger and better and more violent to work. I turned to addiction to stop the pain, but I despised what I was doing.”

Most people with Woods’ condition, whatever you call it, do not go to pricey rehabilitation centers. They seek individual and group therapy and often marriage counseling to identify the roots of their sexual extravagance, calm the demons that rage within, and take responsibility for the damage their behavior has caused.

Sometimes they receive medication such as antidepressants or mood stabilizers, which may reduce the sex drive. J. Michael Bostwick, a psychiatrist at the Mayo Clinic, has had success with naltrexone, often used to fight alcohol and heroin dependence, to suppress devastating addiction to Internet pornography.

Many sex addicts are advised by their therapists to join a group such as SLAA, Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) or Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). “Together, we find hope and keep each other sober,” says Alessandra.

Those who can afford it may end up in a facility such as the KeyStone Center in Chester with a tab of $495 a day, rarely covered by insurance. For instance, Craig, 48, who was told he was a sex addict while in treatment for alcohol abuse (at least half of sex addicts have other addictions: alcohol, gambling, cocaine, eating), says that without his six-week stint at KeyStone, he probably wouldn’t be alive today.

KeyStone offers a vigorous, no-nonsense program. When Craig entered, he says he signed a contract outlining what to expect and which behaviors - such as physical contact with other patients or employees and masturbation - were banned. His schedule was crammed from early morning until 8:30 p.m. with group meetings, individual psychotherapy, meditation, victims groups, trauma groups, psychodrama, biofeedback, and role playing, all designed to help him understand why he turned to compulsive masturbation and sex with prostitutes and learn how to develop alternative coping strategies. He had to listen to “cost letters,” written by relatives or friends of patients, relating what their addictions have “cost” others in their lives.

“I learned a lot about myself,” says Craig, who laments that his addiction cost him 20 years and more than $200,000 in sexual indulgences and treatments.

The treatment goal for sex addicts, unlike that for alcoholics, is not abstinence. It is healthy sex. Although no success rates are available, many sex addicts can learn to control their impulses, says Carnes, who has a Ph.D. in counselor education from the University of Minnesota. But it could take from three to five years. Ongoing therapy and consistent attendance at 12-Step groups are essential.

Still, “there are few that never act out again,” says psychologist Lief. “There are relapses and slips. Someone could never take another drink and live a healthy life. But we are all sexual creatures so this addiction is more complicated . . . and more difficult to treat.”

By: Regan McMahon

A 50-year-old married physician views Internet pornography for hours at home, masturbating five to seven times a day, then begins surfing porn sites at the office and risks destroying his career.

A woman spends four to six hours a day in Internet chat rooms and having cybersex, and eventually starts arranging to meet online strangers for casual sex in the real world.

A man spends many hours a day downloading porn, filling multiple hard drives, and devotes a separate computer just to pornography.

A married couple view pornographic movies together as part of their loving relationship, but the husband starts spending more time watching and less time with his wife, who feels left behind and rejected.

These scenarios are real-life examples of pornography addiction, a compulsive behavior that falls within the category of sex addiction - which has been in the spotlight since the explosive revelations of golf champion Tiger Woods’ numerous sexual infidelities.

Millions of Americans struggle with porn addiction for years in secret, without getting caught, and continue their behavior even after it begins to have negative consequences in their life. For some individuals, images are enough, and they remain locked in the fantasy world of pornography. For others, Internet porn is a gateway to compulsive and risky sexual behavior with others.

Up to 8% addicted

The National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity estimates that 6 to 8 percent of Americans - or 18 million to 24 million people - are sex addicts. And 70 percent of sex addicts report having a problem with online sexual behavior.

“Sex addiction is an acting-out symptom,” explains marriage and family therapist Jason Saffer, co-director of the Center for Creative Growth in Berkeley and a specialist in treating sex addiction. “It allows a person to mood-alter away from emotional pain that resides deep inside. In treating addiction, we have to stop the unhealthy behavior, but then do the work to find out what the underlying emotional pain is.”

If people want to escape feelings of low self-esteem, shame, isolation or the pressures of life, work or relationships, pornography is a place to get lost and feel wanted, imagining the perfect partners who always desires them - and whom they can always satisfy.

“Like with any addiction, it’s a predictable way to soothe,” says San Francisco psychotherapist Gregory Rowe. “I’ve talked to soldiers back from Iraq who say the Internet centers there are jammed with soldiers masturbating to porn. It’s a way to manage their anxiety.

“For 90 percent of men, images are a big source of stimulation,” he says, whereas women - an estimated 25 to 30 percent of online porn users - tend to prefer interactive chat rooms. ComScore Media Metrix, a company that measures Internet usage, reports that more than 70 percent of men age 18 to 34 visit a pornographic site in a typical month.

“Porn addiction is a huge problem because people lose jobs over it,” Rowe says.

In 2008, Nielsen Online reported that one-fourth of employees use the Internet to visit porn sites during their workday. Online porn sites report that highest usage is between the hours of 9 a.m. and 5 p.m.

According to the Web site Divorcewizards.com, huge numbers of divorce lawyers report that pornography is a big issue in divorce these days, which it never was before the advent of the Internet.

The anonymity of the Internet, says Drew Tillotson, a San Francisco psychologist who specializes in porn addiction, allows one to connect with others in chat rooms or online reality games such as Second Life without fear or insecurity, crafting an image of oneself or an avatar that bears little resemblance to who the person is in real life.

Dana Iscoff, a San Francisco psychotherapist who has treated sex addicts, says it is particularly difficult for patients to stay away from Internet porn because “we are always on our computers, and it’s always available.”

Goal: healthy sexuality

The big difference between substance addiction and sex addiction, says psychologist Brigitte Lank, founder of the Lank Institute for Sexual Addiction and Recovery in San Rafael, is that “the treatment goal is not abstinence; the goal is healthy sexuality. This is an intimacy disorder as well as an addiction.”

Lank says addictive masturbation often goes in tandem with porn addiction, but for many users the goal is not to climax but rather to maintain arousal and be on that brink of orgasm for four, six, even eight hours. “It really starts to become a fetish.”

The addicts who spend hours downloading, categorizing and storing porn display behavior similar to that of hoarders, she says. “The same kind of obsessive-compulsive aspect is part of the anxiety. You get comfort and satisfaction just knowing it’s there, like having a lot of toys in the toy closet. It gives you a sense of mastery and control.”

San Francisco marriage and family therapist Julian Redwood, who specializes in treating patients with pornography addiction, says the biggest problem is that there is a physiologically addictive nature to porn and all sexually addictive behavior. People build up a tolerance and need more and more stimulation to achieve the same high. “So someone might start by looking at images of a normal heterosexual couple having sex and then move on to watching bestiality or sex with children. People push their edge.”

Sexualized culture

Twenty percent off all Internet porn involves children, according to a 2003 study.

“Online porn is so much about the hunt,” Redwood adds, which is part of why people spend so many hours at it, at the expense of their jobs, family, social life and sleep. They keep searching for the image or video that is going to turn them on. It’s similar to the drug addict going out to score the drug, or someone into prostitutes cruising the red-light district. “But there are lots of people who would never go to a prostitute who engage in Internet porn.”

Saffer says the availability of Internet porn has increased the prevalence of sex addiction behaviors, especially in young people, who live in a more highly sexualized culture than existed 15 or 20 years ago.

Previously, a young boy might be thrilled to get his hands on a copy of Playboy to glimpse photos of naked women. But nowadays, boys and girls can watch Internet videos of people actually having sex, some of it violent.

“I’m amazed that more parents don’t use parental controls on their computers,” Redwood said. “It’s like letting your kids play with crystal meth.”

“The danger,” Saffer says, “is it creates such a distorted view of what sex is and its place in a relationship.”

Resources

Here are some resources for dealing with pornography addiction, including therapists and free, 12-step-type support groups:

Drew Tillotson: www.sexaddicthelp.com

Brigitte Lank: www.drlank.com

Julian Redwood: www.julianredwood.com

Jason Saffer: jasonsaffer@creativegrowth.com

Dana Iscoff: (415) 474-4567

Gregory Rowe: www.gregoryjrowe.com

Porn Addicts Anonymous: www.pornaddictsanonymous.org

Sex Addicts Anonymous: www.saa-recovery.org

Sexaholics Anonymous: www.sa.org

Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health: www.sash.net

Dr Due’s Networks

American Association of Sexuality, Educators, Counselors and Therapist

Website: http://www.aasect.org

Ardyss International (Body Magic)

Website: http://www.ardysslife.com/lorend

Blog Talk Radio

Website: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/Dr-Due

Website: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/prophetess-arjeana

CieAura

Website :http:/www.drdue.cieaura.com

“Don’t Say a Word About This!

Exposing and Confronting Sexual Perversion”

Website: http://www.drdue.com

Friends International Christian University

Website: http://www.ficu.edu

JOY Christian Center

Website: http://www.drdue.com

Let Go…Let Peace Come In Foundation

Website: http://www.letgoletpeacecomein.org

Numis Network

Website: http://www.numisnetwork.com/drdue

World Ventures

Website: http://drduetravel.worldventures.biz

Young Living Essential Oils

Website: http://www.youngliving.com/DRLOREN

According to the McKinley Health Center at the University of Illinois, masturbation (which they defined as touching one’s own sex organs for pleasure) reduces stress, induces sleep, and can help people to become familiar and comfortable with their body.

Citing studies, the McKinley health handout also cited the following perks of masturbation:

• alleviates premenstrual tension for many women
• provides a healthy sexual outlet for people who choose to abstain from sex with partners or who do not currently have available sexual partners
• can be a route to safer sex, to help prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections, including HIV
• allows for sexual pleasuring for those who are not ready to engage in vaginal, anal, or oral sex
• increases blood flow to the genital region, which can help overall sexual functioning
• helps women learn how to achieve orgasm
• helps men to increase ejaculatory control and manage rapid or delayed ejaculation.

Masturbation myths debunked

Contrary to what some people think, the McKinley Health Center said masturbation does not lead to insanity or hair growing on the palms. It added that it does not drain excessive energy from the body.

“There are no harmful side effects of masturbation,” it said, adding that regardless of cultural attitudes and values, masturbation has been found in all societies.

Here are some myths that McKinley said are unfounded in medical and social science:

• Only people who cannot find sexual partners, or who are socially inadequate, masturbate
• Masturbation leads to physical problems such as mental illness and growing hair on your palms
• Masturbation “ruins” a person for partner sex
• Men will run out of semen or sperm if they masturbate excessively
• Others, including medical doctors and sexual partners, will be able to tell if you masturbate.

It is not illegal in any state to possess the substance, but Food and Drug Administration regulations bar its import and sale because it is not a tested and approved drug.

Eighty-five parcels arriving from Amsterdam at a UPS facility at Philadelphia International Airport were detained and then seized after tests proved positive for the drug, according to U.S. Customs and Border Protection.

The latest seizures were Tuesday after a CBP lab in Georgia confirmed that two parcels discovered Jan. 6 contained JWH-018, a synthetic cannabinoid. The seizures were a first for the agency’s Philadelphia region.

The confiscated materials are small, silvery plastic bags of dried leaves labeled with the brand name K2 and marketed as incense that can be smoked. In all, Customs and Border Protection in Philadelphia said, it has seized about four pounds of the potpourri-like stuff.

“It’s just random plant material, but they coat it with a chemical and then they dry it out,” said Homeland Security spokesman Steve Sapp.

Spice, Gemini and Yucatan Fire are other brands being distributed, Sapp said.

“JWH-018 is a relatively new discovery for us,” said Allan Martocci, CPB director of port oversight in Philadelphia. “If it indeed reacts similar to marijuana, then it poses some real concern for law enforcement, and it’s good that CBP removed these products from our nation’s marketplace.”

Although the drug is not federally classified as a narcotic, it is listed as a drug and chemical of concern, illegal for sale without FDA approval, according to CBP. That violation was the basis for the seizure.

With a market value of up to $50 for three grams, the Philadelphia seizures of about 2 kilograms puts the street value of the haul at as much as $30,000, the agency estimated. The parcels weighed from four to 92 grams.

Overwhelming support toward the rights of patients to use medical marijuana as a medicine, and doctors to recommend and prescribe it, was shown in a poll of public opinion.

The controversy still lies between the positives, and also the negatives of medical marijuana, proven on Friday February 12, when Chris Bartkowicz was arrested after his home was raided for growing medical marijuana in his basement. Chris will face one charge of possession of marijuana with intent to distribute. Although he was indeed growing marijuana for medical reasons, the charges he faces could put him in prison for 5-40 years, if convicted.

In an interview with Advocate, Dana Delany who plays Katherine thought that it was a good idea that the writers explored her character’s story this way. “Oh, I loved it,” she gushed. “I thought it was a great idea. A lot of the ladies on the set have said, ‘Why has this not happened before?’ I think everybody wanted to be the one who got to do it.”

Speaking of what is coming ahead the new couple, Delany said, “Yeah, Julie moves in with me. She is totally an openly, out lesbian, and she’s very up-front about that. She moves in with me because she needs a place to stay. And then I think it makes Katherine question things about herself.”

Also in the upcoming episode called “The Chase”, when Celia comes down with the chicken pox, Gaby must keep her distance. Having never had the chicken pox herself, Gaby stays with Tuc and Bob and is reminded of what it’s like to be single again. Lynette and Tom forget Penny’s birthday while Bree hires a promising new employee. Susan cheats on Mrs. McKluskey and Angie grows concerned over Danny’s disappearance.