Dr. Due Books

Kids sure do get bored of being told to find wisdom in the mistakes of adults. And we adults do give them plenty of opportunities.

Perhaps, they can look to young people with which they can identify. Maybe even singers Chris Brown and Rihanna.

Brown faces two felony assault charges in a Feb. 8 incident in which he is accused of hitting, biting and choking Rihanna, his girlfriend.

Beyond the actual case, perhaps the most disconcerting aspect is that so many appear to be so casually excusing this case involving domestic abuse because the entertainers are so engaging and popular. And it appears both singers and their “handlers” are doing their darnedest to sweep this all under the rug. One magazine reports that the two reunited only days after the incident to record a duet.

Meantime, Nickelodeon — a TV channel so many preteens turn to — decided not to remove Brown’s name as a nominee for its annual Kids’ Choice awards. A spokesman for the network said the vote is up to kids.

It must be noted that Brown has been charged but not convicted of felony assault. But allowing Brown to continue as a Kids’ Choice nominee and with what I’d call a rapid image rehabilitation tour sends a strong message to youngsters that this incident is no big deal when, in fact, it is a serious issue that demands thoughtful
dialogue.

Some of the responses to this incident on the Internet mirror Nickelodeon’s ignorance, and they should frighten any parent. Among comments:

“She must have provoked him.”

“He’s a nice guy; it was an isolated incident.”

“He apologized, so let it go.”

“It’s no big deal, just a fight.”

Decades after domestic violence has come out into the open to generate a deeper understanding of a very troubling and complicated topic, this case appears to have sown a growing sentiment to tolerate such behavior, blame the victim or even classify violence as a part of a normal relationship.

It should do just the opposite.

This could be an opportunity to break down some lingering stereotypes about domestic violence.

Children reading and hearing about this case in the media (and believe me, they are) could, instead, identify with the case because of the youth of those involved (Brown is 19, and Rihanna is 21). Seeing that domestic violence is not limited by age or by financial status — both singers are highly successful entertainers — could be illuminating for millions of children.

In other words, it could happen to them.

Worse, it may be happening to them. According to advocates, one in four women will be a victim of domestic violence in their lifetime.

As a mother of both girls and a boy, I know that children don’t want to hear yet another lecture. But this high-profile case just might open the door to a meaningful, heartfelt talk with our kids that nobody, and I mean nobody, should physically or emotionally abuse their date, their friend or their partner.

Or, as Vicki Lutz, executive director of Crossroads Safehouse, told me, “As odd as it sounds, we have to teach our young boys and girls they have to respect someone they love as much as they would respect a stranger.”